There was once a cockroach named Roachie. He was a ordinary cockroach just like every cockroach, he had feelings, he could handle high levels of radiation and he knew 17 different languages… OK, Maybe not just like an ordinary cockroach, but you get the point.

One day Roachie was at his office, when someone started knocking on his door. “Who is it?,” Roachie asked.

“It’s Joe,” answered Joe.

“Come in,” replied Roachie. Joe sat down in front of Roachie desk “So what’s the news?” asked Roachie.

“We lost more roaches.“ answered Joe.

“Crud, who this time?” asked Roachie.

“Frank, Mary, Bill and Wilbur,” replied Joe in a monotone way like he always does.

“Not Wilbur,” said Roachie. Joe nodded. “Cause of death?” Roachie asked, looking very serious.

“Bill got eaten by the cat. Mary, Frank and Wilbur, well…” said Joe.

“Not the-,” said Roachie.

“Exterminator,” interrupted Joe.

“Crudnuggets, I’m tired of this always happening!,” Roachie yelled.

“What?” Joe asked.

“We must fight back,” declared Roachie.

“But, they’re big, and they have pointy things,” said Joe.

“Not like that Joe, it’s time for a roach revolution,” said Roachie.

” A roacholution?,” said Joe.

“Sure,” said Roachie.

The next day a letter arrived at the White House, and it said, “Dear Mister President, I’m a cockroach, and I think I speak for all cockroaches when I say that we want respect. We demand it, from brooms to exterminators (who I will now call mercenaries.) If they want us out of their home, then why don’t they just ask! All we are asking is for equal rights. Please write back or we will sue.”

A reply letter arrived at Roachie’s office, saying not to mess with the US

Government. This put Roachie in a outrage. “What?! They think this is a joke?!” Screamed Roachie. “I’ll show them a joke!!” Thought Roachie to himself. That’s how the first lawsuit against the US Government from a cockroach happened.

Bang! Bang! “The court is now in session. May the defendants please rise,” said the judge. “May the plaintiff please rise. Now, Mr. …um,” said the judge.

“Roachie,” corrected Roachie.

“Yes, you’re suing the US Government for first, second, and third degree murder?,” asked the judge. “Yes, I am,” Roachie replied calmly.

“Well, show us your evidence,” said the judge.

“I will. Exhibit A,” said Roachie as he held up a bag. “A roach leg,” said Roachie. “Found in the capital building,”

“Objection! How do you know it didn’t die of natural causes?” said one of the government’s lawyers.

“Glad you asked. Exhibit B,” said Roachie as he held up photos. “Scenes from the crime,” Roachie said malevolently. “As you can see from these photos, men from the government are smashing poor little cockroaches,” said Roachie. The jury gasped when they saw the photos.

“Objection!” said one of the Government’s lawyers. “We had a roach infestation.”

“Infestation,” said Roachie, extremely upset but trying not to show it. “I’ve lost brothers to your so-called infestation. I lost part of my antennae to your infestation!,” Roachie snapped. “Which brings me to my first witness,” Roachie said, as he calmed himself down. A huge swarm of cockroaches came in to the court room. “The victim”s family and friends,” said Roachie. “Now Fred,” Roachie said to one of the witnesses. “What happened the last time you went out for food?” said Roachie.

“Objection, leading the witness,” said one of the Government’s lawyers.

“Objection sustained,” the judge said. This happened once more, but other than that Roachie had a pretty good trial. But the US Government had a better one.

The trial came to halt. “So, has the jury come to a verdict,” sighed the judge.

“Yes, we have, your honor. It was a tough decision, but we find in favor of the US Government,” said one of the jury members. Roachie glared at the lawyers. The lawyers smirked at Roachie.

“I would like to make a speech,” Roachie announced while pointing in the air. “… I, don’t see why not?” said the judge.

“Roaches, ladies, gentlemen and lawyers,” Roachie stuck out his tongue at the lawyers. “We have had our ups and downs, but I just want to say,” Roachie paused…”THIS TRIAL WAS RIGGED!!,” screamed Roachie.

“W-what are you talking about?” asked the judge in disgust.

“I’ll show you what I’m talking about, do you see any roaches in the jury? Hmmm no, no you don’t,” said Roachie.

“This trial was just like any other trial.” said the judge.

“I see, so you’re trying to hold me down, but it won’t work! You may flush us down the toilet, but we will return!,” Roachie yelled. “Hiss click click piff sniff,” Roachie said in Roachese. “I swear I’m not done here, I will return, the hammer of Justice will come down on your table, and when it does you better hope you have a helmet, because I will be on you like a bad itch! It’s war, I tell you, a nation of roaches that will destroy you and every person who has a pet turtle It’s our mission! It’s our passion! We will destroy your vision of the world, the invasion will come! I swear, you will regret the day you messed with Roachie, this one’s for Wilbur! Viva la Roacholution!” Screeched Roachie, and he scurried out of the court room with the other cockroaches following him.

The end?